Initiate
by JustPeachy123
Summary: There's always someone to do it for you when you can't do it yourself. At least you would hope so.
1. Initiate

1A/N: Okay, so I know I have all these stories that aren't finished, but screw those, I just had a good idea! (In my opinion, that is...) I know I've written a lot of song fics, but hey, I'm addicted to songs, addicted to fics, it just seems to go together. Plus, this one will be a whole lot more fic than song, I promise!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or "Wurlitzer Prize" by Norah Jones and Willie Nelson.

_Italics: letters_

_**Bold/ Italics: song**_

**Bold: flashbacks**

_Dodger,_

_I came to see you...I did, I swear. But I just couldn't. Sure, you always came to Stars Hollow and caused the appropriate uproar, and I was always appropriately angry and made the appropriate comments and simple greeting and then you left at the appropriate time. But for once, just for once, I wanted to do something that wasn't expected. Something...inappropriate. I wanted to see you, Jess, you. _

_Yeah, you, the one who totally screwed up my life, the one who came here without a care in the world but left with so many of mine. The one who tried to get attention with your stunts, even though you were subtle about them, pretending not to know that I could see right through you. You, the Guns-of-Brixton-boy. You. And then... I couldn't. I couldn't initiate the meeting. You have to do it because I can't. I was always the one to do things first. Our first kiss? Me. The first one to say_

Rory paused from her writing and took a deep breath, the tears welling up in her eyes as she weighed her options, she could either just say it and get it over with and get to the point of her letter or she could crumple it up right now, throw it out, and have yet another nervous breakdown. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, her hand shaking as she went back to the letter in front her.

"_I love you"? Me. But this time I couldn't be first. I need you to come to me, you know where to find me. You always have._

**Flashback**

**Jess walked up to the bridge tentatively, wondering whether she was that upset. "Well of course she's upset, Mariano...bag boy just dumped her!" He thought.**

"**Rory, you don't deserve that...especially not from him." She looked up at him, she had obviously been crying.**

"**Yes, I do. All those lies, all those fake smiles and kisses...he the one that doesn't deserve it." She looked back at her hands.**

"**Can I ask you a question?" He asked sitting down next to her. She smiled slightly, "Sure."**

"**Why did you do it?" Whoa. The smile disappeared. It hit her like a ton of bricks, she knew the question was coming but she had no way to get away from it.**

**She knew why she did it, why she had lied to him, why she pretended. Because of Jess. It was always about Jess, but now if it happened right, as she had planned it so many times...maybe she wouldn't feel so guilty when she was with Jess.**

**End Flashback**

_I haven't forgotten...I haven't forgotten the time you came to the bridge and the time you came to the hockey game and I never will. Please, just come. And if you don't run, I won't either. I promise. I need you, Jess, I need you more than anything I've ever needed. _

_**I'm not here to forget you**_

_**I'm here to recall the things we used to say and do**_

_**I don't wanna get over you**_

_**I don't wanna get over you**_

Rory didn't sign it, he would understand, he would know who wrote it. He always knew; he always remembered. He never forgot.

A/N: This isn't the only chapter, there's more of the song and what kind of author would I be to just leave it? Hm? ;-)


	2. A YoYo In Full Swing

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, "Everything About You" by Three Days Grace, or anything else you recognize in the story.

A/N: Honestly? I don't want to continue this, but I think it's good for me. Good for my writing skills and just for life and what I'm feeling right now, I think I need this. So, I'm continuing it, and only posting it because people seemed to like the last chapter.

_Italics:_ letters

**Bold:** flashback

**_Bold/ italic_**: lyrics

Jess held the letter in his shaking hands, rereading every word, trying to decipher the message, like a little girl. He felt his breath get deeper in his throat when he saw the words "I love you". He shook his, trying to rid all these thoughts.

He didn't deserve this, really, he didn't. He knew she was just screwing with his mind, subconsciously hurting him. It wasn't like she was trying to do it, but playing with him like a yo-yo, up and down and up and down, until finally he had enough. It was part of why he had gone to California, she was doing this to him and he couldn't take it anymore. And now she was sending this letter to him after rejecting him at her dorm.

"No" was how they had ended it and now she was spouting this crap about how much she loved him and wanted him to come to her, he was getting a thirty dollar guilt trip around her world. And it pissed him off. He wasn't going to initiate, no matter how much she wanted him to. _I won't._

He wasn't going to initiate and pay the price like she wanted him to. _I won't. _Jess groaned and reread the letter. _I will._

"God dammit." He said aloud to no one in particular. She loved him, what was he going to do? She wanted to do something inappropriate, she wanted to love him. He had never had that power over someone, been able to make them feel the way that she did and it scared him. But it excited him too. Rory Gilmore, the picture of perfection, was growing up. She was realizing that maybe once in a while you have to do something no one else wanted you to do; and he felt that he should be there, where she wanted him.

He _knew_ he shouldn't, he _knew _how it was going to end up. He would be the asshole, she would be the goody-goody with her heartbroken. He knew this, but he was _feeling_ impulsive. And he couldn't stop himself.

He put on his shoes, untied, grabbed his coat and slammed the door to his apartment door behind him. He was going to do something no one else would want, but Rory wanted it, and if anything, he would be damned if he missed his shot at this. And all that mattered was Rory, because he loved her and she loved him, and that was all he needed. No one else could tell him what the hell to do, because he already felt it in his heart. His heart was telling him what to do and he was going to do it. He was going to initiate.

_**I hate everything about you**_

_**Why do I love you?**_

A/N: Damn, that was short. Sorry. :-)


	3. Nothing

1Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you recognize.

A/N: The song is "Cup of Coffee" by Garbage. This was written out of boredom. And not the silly, I'm bored and need something to do, the real boredom where all you can do is sit around and stare at the wall making mental lists.

_Italics: letters_

**Bold: flashbacks**

_**Bold/Italics: lyrics**_

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

_**I smoke your brand of cigarettes**_

_**And pray that you might give me a call**_

_**I lay around in bed all day just staring at the walls**_

It had been three days, 22 hours, 41 minutes, and 50 seconds since she had written the letter, and still no reply from him. She sighed stubbornly and stomped her foot. She was being a sissy, she wasn't going to be like that; she wasn't that girl. She wasn't going to be the girl who sits around on a Friday night and whines and complains because her not-even-boyfriend hasn't called...or in her case written.

She had opted to paint her nails, which didn't work since Paris had decided it was Use-all-of-Rory's-nail-polish-because-you-have-to-meet-Doyle's-parents-and-then-change-it-every-five-seconds-because-you-can't-find-the-right-one night. She had also gone with the movie night approach, but Lorelai was out of town on a business trip, and it just wasn't the same when you're alone. She thought about going for a walk but it was pouring, and night was just around the corner.

She had long decided that Jess was not coming, that he didn't care, but there was nothing better to do. Maybe she could meet someone else; sure there were plenty of men at Yale, all she had to do was go out and find one. But it was raining on her world, and it was raining outside. And there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't take back what she had written, no matter how hard she wanted to. She didn't want to have him initiate, she didn't want anything to happen.

The letter she had written was a mistake. A mistake that she knew she had to face. A fake letter, that meant nothing, that had no real feeling. That's what it was - fake. She had always been taught in school the six traits of writing, and voice being one of them, she had just automatically thrown it in there; that was why it sounded so passionate. But it wasn't her voice.

No matter how hard she convinced herself that she wanted him, that she had meant what she said, she knew she was wrong. She didn't need him in her life, she didn't need him. She didn't even want him. She didn't love him, and she couldn't fix that. He couldn't be her yo-yo anymore, she didn't even want him to be. He was sick of being it, she was sick of using it; and she knew this.

So there she was, staring at the wall, making pro and con lists of anything she could think of. Coffee, school in general, The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Coffee had the most pros; school the most cons. Suddenly a knock on the door pulled her out of her trance and she jumped up, eager for someone to talk to. When she opened the door, her breath hitched in her throat and a familiar nervous pounding in her head appeared.

He was standing there, drenched mercilessly on every inch of his body. Little droplets of water made plopping sounds as they fell of his soaking hair. His shoulders were hunched, like a little boy when he's afraid of the monsters in his closet, and there were two dark blotches on each one, where the water from his hair had fallen. He was wearing nothing less than jeans and a tee shirt.

"Jess." She breathed. He looked at her expressionlessly, waiting for her to invite him in. "Oh... yeah." She said simply, taking his coat as he walked in. Without another word, they sat down at the wooden table in the kitchen and she got them both a cup of coffee, which she hadn't thought of when she was alone.

They sat there silently, both hands wrapped around separate cups, staring each other in the eye. There was no challenge, no hidden message in their eyes, there was nothing. Not a speck of emotion; not even love. And for the first time in their relationship, whether they were kissing or fighting, it was simple, there was simply nothing between them.

_**It took a cup of coffee**_

**_To prove that you don't love me _**


	4. This Is Where Our Story Ends

PixiesAddict: Wait, "why do they love each other?" They don't; I explained it in the last chapter... And who said there wasn't anything platonic? I would like to believe their relationship was more than sex. Unless, you meant it was just this story in which they weren't platonic. Oh well, I'm just really confused now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, get over it, stop trying to sue me.

A/N: The song is still "Cup of Coffee" by Garbage. It's a great song, I definitely suggest downloading it or even getting the CD. Oh, and I wrote this quite a while ago, so sorry if it sucks uber badly.

_Italics: letters_

**Bold: flashback**

_**Bold/Italic: lyrics**_

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

She had been staring at the wooden door, as the minutes ticked by on the clock behind her. The rain pattered on the roof, keeping perfect rhythm with the clock. Tick. Tick. Tick. Her arms were set appropriately at her sides and her hands were laying flat on her thighs. Appropriate. The one chance that she had to exclude that from her vocabulary and she'd blown it. She knew it wasn't enough to just _want_ to be inappropriate, she had to _need_ it. But she didn't need Jess, she didn't love him, only wanted him.

And she knew she couldn't choose anyone else, because he was the only one that would bring out the ability in her to be inappropriate. So she had asked him and he had been the one to initiate the meeting, and it was then that she realized while she wanted to be inappropriate, to run away from her world and just take someone's hand, whoever, she didn't care, it took more than just that. It took love and trust in Jess; the love and trust in Jess that didn't exist.

So there she was, just staring at the door; the door that his figure had stomped through, slamming it, and saying, "I'm not your yo-yo, and you know it. Stop pretending to love me and I'll stop pretending to love you because we both know it's fake."

It was true, after all. She was flinging around his emotions, up and down and up and down, and telling lies, almost as many as he had. He didn't deserve that and she knew it; he didn't deserve to be her yo-yo, and it seemed he wasn't anymore. He wasn't hers in any way, shape, or form. She didn't even want him to be hers. It was time to move on.

It was time to get over Jess - completely. So maybe it was time for _her_ to take the initiative, like she had the many times before.

_**So no, of course, we can't be friends**_

_**Not while I still feel like this**_

_Jess,_

_I'm sorry. And I know - you're not my yo-yo. I get it, we're over. If we don't see each other ever again, then that's okay. I can live with that and I know you can. So, I guess this is goodbye. _

Jess read the letter - well, more like note - expressionless. She finally understood. She finally understood what he wanted and needed and that his emotions weren't there to be played with like a yo-yo. She finally got it. They were finally on the same page, there was nothing confusing or misunderstood. It was short and simple and they both knew it.

They were over.

_**I guess I always knew the score**_

_**This is where our story ends**_

A/N: Yes, it's the end. I personally thought it was one of my better ones in the descriptions and details, though the big picture and plot - was there really one?- was quite rushed. Yeah, well, they can't all be winners.


End file.
